Clueless

Here I am thinking right now if what will happen to me in the next upcoming months. I'm feeling a bit unease right now. I don't know why but that's what I feel. My heart is beating fast and there is a gush of emotions pumping in my vein that just wants out.

I cannot express it. That's my issue. I can't really tell what I'm feeling right now. Most of the time I just keep it inside. I leave it boiling inside until the time comes that I cannot contain the emotion and boom I'll breakdown.

Balancing everything in your hand is hard. A lot of obligations that you can't just ignore and let it pass by. I don't know what to expect or should I even expect on something to happen. I really cannot manage everything on my life alone. Sometimes I just wonder why do I have these many responsibilities. Is it a bit too early for me? I thought at my age of 22, I should be enjoying my young adult life. I should be exploring the things that the world can offer. I know responsibilities makes you mature and gives you perspective on what you should do but damn I feel more lost than ever.

Sometimes I'm left wondering at the end of the day: Will anyone care for me? Will anyone stay besides me when everything is lost? Will there be a shoulder that I can lean on when I feel I'm down? Will there be someone to help me share the load of burden I feel deep down inside myself?

I've been struggling ever since I was young. I think it was destined to be that way. I was not placed in picture-perfect life. Everyday it has been a struggle. I grew up thinking I was not given choices but duties that I need and must do. Maybe that's the right thing to happen to give me direction. But again I'm just clueless.

Tomorrow may not be the same as what I have today. We are here wondering but still clueless of what will be tomorrow's life brings us.

This concludes another post. 'Till the next post.