Blissful Stir of Emotions

Awkward.

That's how I feel the day after. There is a bit of tension that can still be felt towards each others presence. I'm sad about that but that's how it should be. My actions has its implications which cannot be undone.

I thought it'll be back to what it was before but the moment I saw that person it stunned me. I felt guilty. I felt sorry to that person. Why did I misjudge my actions? Why did I allow myself to fall into this endless pit?

I'm really sorry. I really am. If only I can reverse time, I would not have done it. I am ashamed of myself and my actions. I just want to let myself go on moving as if there was nothing wrong but I can't. I'm bad at pretending especially at this. I admit that conscience still lingers in me.

We already had a talk. A talk that supposedly ended this crazed up situation. It ended well. It seemed that we both agreed on reconciling and putting the past aside. I thought that this will answer my dilemma but it seems it has not.

Confused.

Now that's what my situation is. After that talk, I thought we can move on and start in a clean slate. I know that now and then there will be some unusual situations that can put us again in a strange position. But since we learned from the past, it will be easier for us to manage it. That's my perspective on what will happen. I believed that the friction between us will somehow calm down. Looks like the turmoil brought by the storm has not subsided. I'm still stirred by the uneasy approach that the person has towards me. It left me questioning if the issue has really been addressed completely and appropriately. Are there unclear things that were left unsettled or unanswered? Are there still underlying factors that were overlooked and has not been dealt with?

Exasperated.

Straightforward, I was told that the person is still aggravated to me. Who am I to blame that individual? That person may think that this is a betrayal of friendship. It has been. Trust is a basic foundation in any type of relationship and that's what was broken. It can't be mended easily You should earn that again. I'm more than willing to prove that I can be trusted again if given a chance.

Wondering.

It came to my mind if when a mistake or an offense has been made, is it only one-sided? Should the fault only be pointed to one or both parties? In the situation I'm at, it seems all fingers are pointing at me. It feels that I'm the only one to blame. Sure I'll be willing to take it all. I've been like that. I'm always on the losing end. Be it if that make things easier for everyone. I just hope that it would also be noticed that they're not the only in pain. I've been in distraught all throughout this course. I may not be crying but the wound inside me is just seems too real for me to take. I cannot bear with the anguish of my discourse.

Despair.

Now, I foresee another possibility of someone saying goodbye. Why is that it never lasts? Another chapter of my life that soon will close just in case it can't be mended. I hope that this will not be the ending. I'm still optimistic that we'll find ways to fix this problem. Hopefully, it'll not be too late.