It's time to face the monsters underneath my bed. It's time to face the reality that I'm not anymore a child but a grown up that needs to learn to stand on his own feet and strive to get what he wants and needs for his life.
For the longest time, it has been always an excuse for me that I'm still young, I can still be restless and not be responsible on my actions and decisions in life. It has been always an excuse for me that in God's time, I'll reach the point of maturity and let me be immature as of the moment. It has been full of excuses and I've been numbed by my stubbornness to embrace reality's hurtful truth that I'm not longer young.
Goodbye to childish excuses and whining thoughts that everyday lingers in my life. Goodbye to selfishness. Goodbye to being a loafer. Adieu to all that I was.
Knowing that we are not getting younger by the moment is something that I could not just ignore. Part of being alive is the hurtful truth that when you go through life it's not just all sugar-coated candies that you need to taste but sometimes there are sour balls that you need to try as well. Happiness and pain always come together. Without the other you'll never know and appreciate how the opposite emotion feels.
When I was young I always avoid playing games that can injure me. I don't like playing ball games, climbing trees, and many more that can be potentially harmful and cause me pain. I always want to play it safe, never been adventurous. When I grew up, that attitude evolved as a way of life on how I deal relationships. I never got involved in a serious relationship because I'm afraid to get hurt. There is too much emotional pain there, I always say to myself. I attempted several times to get into an almost serious one but when it's gets too serious and I feel I've already invested more than I can bargain for, I halt and go back to my safe base. I end in an emotional turmoil and finish unhappy and broken. But that was easier for me than to think of the pain I might have given my partner if we were to be. I always say that it would be the best for us but I'll never know because it has always been like that. I'm afraid of a monster inside me that could unleash without me knowing. Deep inside me I know that I don't like to be like him. I don't want to hurt a woman I love like he has hurt the most special woman in my life. I don't like to see the pain in the eyes of people special to me. Better end it while we are still happy.
I always been told by my friends that I just have not met someone that would live up to my expectations and would put sense to me. I guess that they have not known that there has always been someone special to me. I could not just tell that person. Why? I really don't know. I answered my friend before that it's because I tend to suppress my emotions when it comes to love. I don't like to get hurt and more to hurt that person. I tend to be logical as well when it comes to it but is it better when you sometimes let your emotions control you? It feels better because you know that you just love that individual. No logical reasons, no but's and or's . It's just how you feel.
Am I ready to fall in love's trap? Maybe it's time to be a willing victim. It's time that I test the water and submerged my self to the cool, warm sea. Let me get on the topsy-turvy roller coaster ride and experience how it feels. Let me alight from my safe zone and see the real world, experince how to live.
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