For the past few months, I've been complaining alot-complaining about my work, my sister, my life, and almost everything. I've been thinking alot and been bothered alot of these thoughts. Thinking what if I've done this I could have been like this or it could have turned out better.
Up to now, I really don't know what I like. I never learned to decide on my own. I'm becoming a passive thinker, not having my own say to whatever thing that needs a decision. I've been so dependent on ideas from others and what they think is right for me and for them. Is that how lazy I've become? Is that what I am now?
Life is becoming more challenging. It's already pushing my limits to the brink of losing sanity, not that I'm saying that I'm almost insane but to the point where it seems hopeless to even think of it. I'm losing track and lost count of how far I have reach. It seems the road I'm building to reach a happy ending has been full of twists and turns. It has been a roller coaster ride. It's really true that you'll never get things the easy way and you'll never get it without having something in exchange. My life has been full of flaws and pretensions and of joys and smiles and of heartacahes and cries.
How I really wanted to be a child again and be carefree. To be safe from the worries of the world because you know you're in safest place on earth. How I wish I can do things without hesitation, without restraint. How I wish I can remain a child and be loved and never asked for attention.
I want to reflect and meditate on my life, drill-in on my thoughts, set things in perspective and clear my clouded mind. I want to just let life be and let life guide me to the way it should be. Let there be a breather. A time for me to take a break, relax and change my lifestyle. Enough of urban living that has been toxic. I don't want to be a robot that is directed to do things in very mechanical, routinary way. Let me be human and feel and think. I just want to be happy and live a life that's worth every penny I earn.
Enough of my whining. I know you're tired of these. Till the next post.
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